Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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