WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
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