Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
