Already got asked if we're dating
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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