Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
