I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
