god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
