lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
