Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
