1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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