census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Randomize
