dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
