think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I think people are normalizing furries
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
