Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
