I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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