Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
