my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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