I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
