she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I'm really busy with my period
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
