You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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