Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Randomize
