the condom got lost in my hair
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize