OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
