I just made out with a guy for $7.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
