matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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