Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Randomize
