the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
