Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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