She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
