Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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