I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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