When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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