I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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