i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Randomize
