You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
