while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
