I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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