i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
