why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I still have a little drunk in my system
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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