Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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