I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
