Apparently you make a good broom.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
