maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
