is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
