how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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