So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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