office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
