he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
