dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
