Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
