Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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