apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
