My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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