This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
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