Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Randomize
