he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
