I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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