it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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