Can i not drive my cunt home
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I AM VODKA MAN
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
