i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
