Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
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