You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
