Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
