i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Randomize