i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Drunk is not a location!
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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