it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
