There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
