And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Randomize
