i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
All I want is dick and wine.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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