Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
