no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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