Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
