i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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