I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
