He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
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