your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
