I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Randomize
