This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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