it hurts more in the daytime
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
