All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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