My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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