ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
