I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Your cock deserves a montage
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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