I hope mine doesn't look like that
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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