Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Randomize
