It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
