I just gift wrapped bread.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
