Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize