i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
