Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize
