Me too!
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
