Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
